This, folks, is one of my worst nightmares. And let me tell you, now that he knows, it is one of the man’s as well.

Do not pretend that your vegan “cheese” is cheese. Your gluten free “biscuits” are not biscuits. Your vegan “pizza” IS NOT PIZZA

Eat the bread, people, eat all the fucking bread.

Some women miss the waistline, or complain about their ass, me, I can handle that. Its the tits, y’all. Just…..Jesus.

I have in my hand some sort of cookie that has jam in it. But as I am trying to eat it, the jam begins to replicate itself until it is spilling down my arm and puddling on the table.